and she was petting her beer can
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
