He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize