he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
