This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
