atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
