Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
