Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
