cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
