dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
