I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize