is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
