i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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