jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
