somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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