that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
