The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
