kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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