Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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