I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
