he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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