I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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