ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
