Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
