I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize