you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize