She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize