i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So squirting runs in the family.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
