I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
