just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize