He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
