he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
