Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
