Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize