Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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