This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize