You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Your dad touched me again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
