do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
