today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize