did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
