did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
