if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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