We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
