remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
