Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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