I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
