the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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