Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize