Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
