I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
