well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
