YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
