I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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