Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
