I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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