so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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