Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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