we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
