Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
