I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
