A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
