I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
