Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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