Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
