I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
