is your mom at the bar?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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