Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
