I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
