i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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