I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
