I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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