so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
