And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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