i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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