I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
