butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
