Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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