Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
