i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
