Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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