Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
