He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
