I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
