It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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