Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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