Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
