You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
