i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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