Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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