The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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