After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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