He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
